New Year’s resolutions are stupid. How many people make them and keep them? Yeah, no one. Like literally no one actually sticks to them and if you have no one really wants to know about it, it just makes the rest of us feel crappy about ourselves. “New year, same crappy cynical me”…I need that on a t-shirt.
But I’m going to sound slightly hypocritical now, save your judgment until I’m done though…I did decide that in 2018 I was going to do something new every month. Is that a resolution, I have no idea but it has nothing to do with losing weight or bettering my health, I’m not even resolving to switch the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer in the same day all though that would be new for me (and The Big Guy would super appreciate it.) You can call it a resolution if you want but I’m calling it a challenge…it’s a challenge to break the typical routine and monotony of the daily routine that comes with being a mom to a 13 and 10 year old which feels more like a personal secretary and chauffeur most days, a mom who’s knocking on 40…and the knocking gets louder and louder with each day. Life was moving way to fast and I was starting to feel like I was on hamster wheel that was not slowing down and frankly I was tired of the view.
"New year, same crappy cynical me."
When January started I didn’t have to give what this “new thing” would be a stitch of thought. I had been telling The Big Guy I wanted him to teach me to snowboard and he laughed every time. If you don’t know me personally don’t think he’s a bad guy…he’s realistic, I’m not much of an athlete, to put it mildly. But he is, thank god for our children. After the holidays I think he started to take me a little more seriously and took me shopping for all the gear, no one loves to buy sports equipment more than him and let’s face it…shopping is shopping so I was all about it. There were a zillion jackets to try on and I need my pants to coordinate with my coat not match, then there was a bindings and boots and goggles and a helmet, the right kind of gloves (which apparently Burton mittens are the only acceptable gloves when considering warmth) And then the board…The Big Guy ordered me a matte black board as a surprise and I customized it with a version of the graphic I created for his board.
But now I actually had to snowboard. Realization: there are 2 types of people in this world, fearless and fearful. I fall in to the later, in fact you could even say scared sh*tless would be more accurate (sorry mom) I don’t want to fall, I don’t want to get bruises and I don’t want to be embarrassed on the bunny slope. These are typically not the people who should strap a board to their feet and send it down and icey mountainside. But nonetheless I was there standing on a ski slope in Pennsylvania on a Tuesday afternoon holding my husband’s hands while he told me what we were going to do and where to put my weight in my feet while we were doing it. It started out fine, holding his hands going back and forth being told what to look for, how it should feel and when I was doing something wrong made me feel safe, totally not gonna fall. I’m gonna be the chick that goes snowboarding for the first time and doesn’t fall, not even once. I’m going to be the next Chloe Kim, except I’m 40 which will make me even more impressive. WRONG.
Eventually The Big Guy wanted me to let go and that is when the fear got real. I know, I know…real fear…on the bunny slope with the 4 year olds flying down the hill passed me. But like I said, there are two types of people in this world and I know which one I have been for the passed 39 years. There was definitely some falling, there was some bruised knees in the days that followed and my butt might have been a little sore (or a lot sore) but it was worth it. Spending time with The Big Guy doing what he loves is enough reason to sacrifice my tailbone and pride.
And then I had a bit of a light bulb moment while we were driving home...maybe people who are fearful don't always have to be? I'm really only fearful when it comes to risking physical injury so maybe it's as simple as fear is just a state of mind and this could help me jump ship and join the other team? Or maybe and perhaps more likely I can land somewhere in between. Regardless of where I land I do know January’s adventure is turning into February’s winter hobby so I’ll call month one a success.